We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve

~The Perks of Being a Wallflower

       I feel a little better. Some days are more inspiring than others. But things aren't quite as stop and go. Unfortunately, spring break has all but annihilated my sleep schedule. This Monday is going to kill. But somehow, I'm not too worried about that, because every Monday sucks. It's a sad fact of life, folks.

       Tonight I realized something. Sometimes when we're really hurting, when we're stuck in that swimming pool of despair, we have to look back. We have to recognize our past to move forward. The entire concept sounds vague and regressive to me, but I think it's true. On the occasion I forget who I am. I just lose it in the homework and friendships and politics. I just deflate and wallow on the ground like a helium balloon that's gained density. All that I recognize is my bed and my teddy bear and I painfully wish to become a recluse. I push everyone and everything away until I'm reminded. I have to remind myself of the books and movies I love. I look at the pictures I've taken and pin up long forgotten styles. Because they're what make me who I am. They do not forget even when I do and I am so grateful for that. Tomorrow, I think I will redecorate my room. 

       Then again, I'll probably just sleep...

       ....One step at a time, right?